Searching for God and Finding...Myself?

I have been thinking a lot about religion and spirituality and prayer lately. A lot of things have been occurring in my life to encourage this introspection. First, a conversation with Fred, one of the friars, caused him to explain his stance on prayer, which is that, as Americans, we have this constant need to do the biggest and best things all the time, including prayer. We think we need to plan elaborate activities in order to connect with God, who, if you think about it, is really the only being in the universe who completely knows and completely loves us as individuals, and therefore understands our limitations. He really just wants to hear from us and is not expecting anything grandiose. Fred was telling me this as an explanation of why he enjoys praying the Psalms as morning and evening prayer, because the regularity and rhythm is really freeing, instead of stifling. That got me started thinking, especially since it was my week to plan prayer for my community. I have been feeling like I have reached the end of my creative rope when it comes to prayer planning and have, consequently, been beating myself up for not coming up with a bigger and better prayer experience for my housemates. Talking to Fred, though, helped me come to the conclusion that whatever I plan is really of little importance, as long as it inspires conversation with God. Basically, my planned prayer is like a ride to the airport, and it is up to the participants to board the plane in order to reach their final destination.

I then had a meeting with my extremely gentle and insightful spiritual director a couple of weeks ago during which I voiced frustration with myself about my prayer life, or rather, my lack thereof. I can't find time to pray, I told her. I don't feel that deep thirst for it like you told me I would; I feel like I'm doing it wrong. She explained to me that all those times during the day when I feel like I'm just talking to myself or "decompressing," as I call it, can actually be considered as prayer. It seems so obvious now, but I had never thought about it like that. If I have made a conscious decision to recognize God as a constant presence in my life, one who is with me always and is even a part of me, then how can dialogue with myself not be dialogue with God? It's such a simple concept, yet it is one that has taken a lot of work and reflection to understand. I just feel fortunate to have begun to understand it at all.

The final occurrence in my quest for a deepening of faith has been to start reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I would highly recommend this book to anyone, if only because she has such a wonderful, conversational writing style that draws one into the story. She also has such a unique perspective on spirituality; she has a hugely open mind, with such a deep yearning for God that she will attempt any avenue that might bring her closer into His presence. I am about halfway through and am realy enjoying her insights. I think she would agree with my spiritual director about my issues with prayer, although she tends more towards Eastern practices of devotion.

In other news, I ran my first race today, a 5K in Maryland with my oldest brother and his girlfriend. It was a good showing all around and though we didn't win any fabulous prizes, we three were highly satisfied with our times. I am keeping up with my training for the 10-miler next month and it looks like I will achieve my goal (not fainting until after I cross the finish line). Tomorrow I head down to see my other brother to complete my '08 Sibling Tour. I will be heading back to Philly tomorrow night, refreshed and ready for a new week!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!