Counting my blessings

It is shocking to me that 2008 has begun already. It seems like 2007 lasted mere moments. It could not possibly have lasted long enough to hold a college graduation, a trip to Indiana, a trip to Alaska (followed shortly by a month-long illness), one more (and probably my final) summer at Guggenheim, and the beginning of a life-altering volunteer experience. Add to that one of my favorite semesters of college, soooo many great times with wonderful family and friends, innumerable heart-to-heart conversations, and one of the best Christmases that I can remember. I'm not sure why I am so blessed, but I know I have so much to be thankful for in my life.

Christmas in Kensington brought constant reminders of how loved and cared for I am, with visits from my family, gifts from friends, and festivities with the staff. Our site supervisor, Fr. Michael, surprised us by taking us out last night (New Year's Eve) to see Stomp at a theater downtown. Then tonight, he took us out to a nice dinner and gave us our ridiculous Christmas gifts-I will wait until I can post pictures to fill you in on what they are. But my point is, Christmas here was incredible and I am so glad that I decided to stay and that my family could be with me here.

Today, though, was my wake-up call. It was a very difficult day. I was reassured that all is not well with the world or the people in it. There is a man who is in recovery at the Last Stop across the street who comes to our daily Mass who is schizophrenic. We have recently learned that guys staying there aren't allowed to take drugs of any kind-including prescriptions. The past couple weeks we've watched this man displaying more and more symptoms of his disorder and today during Mass I frequesntly caught him staring at me. While I worked in the yard, I saw him standing in the middle of the street yelling obscenities at nothing. He came into the yard briefly, stared at me angrily for a few minutes then left. His instability is quickly becoming a concern for the team. Another man who obviously suffers from some type of mental problem came into the yard today to take off his shoes, play with his feet, and yell at the sky. The coordinator brought him a bag of food and asked him to move, but he hung around the gate for the rest of the meal, harrassing another guest who isn't allowed into the yard because he is also mentally unstable. The 2 almost came to blows at one point, but luckily I was able to defuse the situation. The first man, however, continued to yell for the next couple hours out in the street and I can still hear him in my head. His cries sounded like a mixture of pain and anger and were awful to listen to.

Another guest who I have described before, Rocky, I have recently learned probably suffers abuse, likely sexual, and at the hands of other men. I saw him today for the first time since I was told that and almost cried. He is so kind to us at the Inn, always helpful and loving; it breaks my heart that he undergoes that and I just have no idea how to help. He said a few things to me today that lead me to believe that it could be true. It makes me wonder what else our guests go through that we would have no idea about. Obviously, I don't know even close to everything about any of our guests, but knowing that there is probably so much more to them than what I pick up on by seeing them for a couple hours everyday worries me. Which one of our guests is turning tricks or being abused tonight? Which one is getting in a fight? Which one is passing out helpless on the sidewalk after getting way too high? It is awful to know that these things are probably all happening, if not to our guests, then to someone else right this second. The only thing we can do to show our love and concern is pray for them and welcome them back tomorrow with kind words and open arms.