There but for the grace of God go I.

Today I worked at the Women's Center (the Inn runs a day center for women recovering from or struggling with their addictions to drugs and alcohol, it also serves as a residence for 3 women at a time who are attending rehab programs). It can be a very intense day, although this one was not too emotionally draining. However, I did talk to a woman who is in her mid-50s and is caring for her 5 year old grandson while his mother is serving a jail sentence. She had been clean for 9 years, that is, until October 5th of this year when she took up her crack pipe one more time. She is back at square one now, earning back her first 60 days clean. She couldn't explain to me why she did it and she was trying not to let herself get depressed about it, because that would only make it harder to stay clean.

What amazes me is that when you sit and talk with these women, eat lunch with them and watch Maury with them (that was my afternoon), they are shockingly normal. I had always had this image of the typical druggie in my head-someone, generally male-although I don't know why, hardened by life on the streets. But these women, when they are clean, are no different from me. They are funny and silly and loving. They love to go shoe shopping. They love arts and crafts. They don't like it when someone is disrespectful towards them.

I always try to imagine myself in the situations they describe themselves facing: physical and sexual abuse from men, sometimes male family members; toxic relationships with friends; depression. Would I have been able to say no if offered something that would help the pain go away? Would I have been able to stop the downward spiral my life would take after that first hit?